Fears of Motherhood

Hello Sincere Nigerian Reader,
Nice to have you here again....
This is my first guest post by an amazing SN reader and a writer.
She perfers to stay Anonymous.

Please read along.....

The cry of a new born baby is a beautiful sound of newness and creation.
But is being a mother so difficult and scary or it is a joyful thing?

 At age 26, not married and having no child of my own . I grew up in a culture of assumed motherhood. I was raised in a liberal, tolerant household, but into early adulthood, I never questioned whether I was going to have kids – it was always how many and when.

That wasn't' borne out of a deep, inherent desire for children.
It was simply how I understood the definition of "family":
Of course, you have kids, just as you move out of your parents' house, and you get married, and you die.

That's the natural course of life.

I'm often told that I’d make a good mother.
Depending on my relationship with the person making this wildly incorrect statement.
I have one of two reactions:
Either a small, insincere smile and a "mmmm" response that does not invite further discussion or a hearty laugh followed by a firm "NO."

Don't get me wrong: I love kids. They’re hilarious, they’re adorable,
and I (mostly) enjoy spending time with them. But without a doubt,
I do not want them.

 A lot of people might think I am selfish, emotionally stunted or inadequately grown up.
In fact, I am the opposite.
That attitude might indeed be selfish, but is it any more selfish than bringing more humans into an overpopulated world?
Is it more selfish than having a baby simply because you want to, which is
often the case?

Has anyone in recent memory declared that they were procreating out of a selfless
desire to perpetuate the human race, when the human race has never, ever, been less in need of perpetuation?
I have heard so many mothers say, there is no greater joy in having a
baby and all babies are beautiful and nothing could ever be compared
to the joys of motherhood. But, the very challenges and difficulties of child bearing, outweighs the benefits.

I have read stories of mothers incomparable love for their babies,
despite the pains that comes with childbirth. It amazes me, how women scream so much in the labour room but, the next minute  you see them pregnant again.
It makes me feel they actually do enjoy the pains of labour. Once they have the baby, they end up with a protruding stomach and a shapeless body. No wonder the popular demand for waist trainers in the market.

I believe that, being a mum is the hardest job in the world, it is thankless, exhausting and stressful.
Stress of sleep- deprivation, cooking inedible dinners and your house being a
mess always , which are usually a result of exhaustion.
Watching your husband sleep peacefully while you have to be up all night with your  baby .

You can not enjoy a peaceful night rest, without being woken up by the cry of the baby.
You become painfully aware that your life now revolves round this little helpless being, who needs you despite having a simple existence (eating,sleeping, pooping).

It amuses me to tell people I don't want children because no one ever quite knows how to respond.

I’ve gotten “ Well, when you meet the right guy, you’ll change your mind, ” which is basically suggesting i'm incapable of making decisions regarding my own life without consulting a nameless, faceless Future Man and is, by the way, astonishingly offensive.

Others immediately ask what I do for a living, as though my employer holds the key to my womb and has locked it up until I retire.

Some mothers have actually said to me, “ I did not know what love is
before having a baby. You should reconsider. ” I’m happy they’re happy now but "not knowing love before kids" is one of the most acutely sad things I’ve ever heard.

I don't want to be a mum, even when I am married, i am going to put off getting pregnant.
I want to stay up until 6am watching movies because I know no small person is relying on me to feed them in a few short hours.

I  occasionally want to eat fries and snacks for breakfast and drink beer for dinner and feel no guilt that I'm teaching anyone terrible eating habits.
I would rather put my life of fancy vacations and spotless white carpets
ahead of a social and biological duty to reproduce.
I would be able to enjoy my life, live a freer life without being dragged down by a baby.

Written by
Anonymous Reader
(Sincere Woman).



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